Life Changes!

   Christmas was upon us and here we were in waiting rooms a couple of days before Christmas. I love to read the Christmas story but I have to confess, this year I heard it but I never read it myself! To be honest I felt disconnected from Christmas. For the first time I can remember I said what I hate to hear from others..."I will be glad when it is over with!" I simply wanted all the doctors to be back in their offices and working again!!

Christmas is my favorite time of year. Ronnie bless his heart was upset because he "messed up Christmas for everybody." We clung to our faith but in spite of it, being so human there was a dark cloud over us. Of  course he did not mess it up. It was better in a lot of ways because I was not stressed out with the things we women stress out abut most. Is the house clean, baking done, enough food, enough gifts. All the decorations that I love so much were started and then neglected.  All the stuff I usually put so much importance on was no longer important at all! Being with our family WAS very important but all the hoopla leading up to it... Not at all. My son Kelly and wife Amber stepped up and offered to host our family party this year. I was ready to let them! I know it was discussed among the boys and any one of them would have hosted it!  We had a laughter filled Christmas!!I have to say I did the games and stayed occupied and silly the whole time! We had a wonderful family time. Ronnie tired out and our family forbade me from helping clean up and we left early. ..They all pitched in as a family and helped clean up. For the first time since I have had children my living room and kitchen was clean on Christmas morning!

   We still had to get through the next week with New Years holiday.. we spent it quiet with the two of us eating our blackeyed  peas,ham slice, cabbage and corn bread. We went to church that Sunday morning. Our pastor told the congregation 2011 was going to be a year for miracles and we as believers were going to see many things happen.  I  will take that word and hold it close to my heart!!

 Finally the holidays were over and the oncologist appointment was on the following Tuesday. All the tests results were finally in. The doctor confirmed Multiple Myeloma in the third stage.From what I have read there are just three stages. He told us it was not curable but treatable. He wanted to start chemo and the other treatments right away. The good news was it had not affected his kidneys yet. Some people are in renal failure before they  get a diagnosis! The doctor said Ronnie was dumping a lot of protein into his bloodstream and it was being lost in his urine. He was going to schedule the treatments to begin the next Monday.

   I had already began searching on the internet for more information. It was scary to even read about. I had sat up long hours reading before Christmas and sat at my computer and bawled.  I was so filled with a sense of dread about the chemo and all the awful side affects. He was also a bit apprehensive about the cheom but ready to gear up and begin the battle.  Then the ice storm hit and the office was closed that Monday...then a medicine he had to have had not come in so he could not begin the next day either!  I felt devasted!  My mind knew that a few days was not going to make a big difference in his treatment but my heart felt so desperate! We can't wait any longer..the cancer is destroying all of his bones.. I ranted to poor Amber who works in the office there...but... there was nothing to do but wait some more!!We finally got the very expensive drug over-nighted and began treatment on that Thursday.

He was in such pain, it was almost unbearable. I would put pillows around him and then when he had to get up or turn over he did not even have the strength to move them. We were up and down every thirty minutes. He was taking the pain meds every 4 to 6 hours but they always wore off before the next dose. I was afraid I was giving him too much but what was I to do?  I could not pray with any sense of purpose during this time. I found a little book of prayers I had for a long time...I read a lot of these. I would just cry and ask God to please ease his pain. I know so many others were praying too. What a comfort it is when you lie your tired head down for a while to sleep to KNOW that if you have not prayed  there are others interceding for you. How could I have ever understood the importance of the prayers of others if I were not in this situation? Many times he would ease off and go off to sleep for a few hours after I prayed. I would read him the names and remarks from the Face book page and emails of people who were praying for him. I was thankful so any rest he could get!

  When we went back  to the doctor it was explained that Ronnie would need a bone marrow transplant and his own marrow will be used. We later found out he will be in the hospital  4 to 6 weeks. He must be in remission however and meet certain health requirements before this can happen. It usually takes from 4 to 6 months of treatment to get a patient into remission. The bone marrow transplant is very bad on the body. All of your cells good and bad are killed off. You are a target for any germ ,virus , or fungus that wants to take up residence in your body!!

From what I read it sort of makes me think about Max.He was a beautiful  golden retriever we adopted from the pound many  years ago.He had heart worms and the vet had explained the treatment as being so bad it could take him out  but so necessary if he were to live. Max had a tough time but he survived it and lived many more years... I don't mean to compare my precious husbands life with a dog's, no matter he was a very sweet animal... It just brought it to mind!!  I followed the treatment of the  young girl in our community who had  a form  leukemia. This child suffered so much and had to spend so much time in Atlanta in the hospital.My mother's heart grieved for her mother and family when I read the posts from Eggleston  about her daughter sufferings. For those of you out of town who do not know this family....notice I said she HAD cancer!! She has been declared cancer free! We thank you Lord!

  The doctor increased Ronnie's long acting pain meds so he would not be on so much tylenol. After a few days his pain was being managed better. Thankfully he began to rest better and so did I! After his first bone treatment of Zometa, he wound up in the hospital overnight. His internists thought he had the flu. We were so thankful he didn't! The last one he took we knew what to expect..sure enough the fever and chills came on but were gone after one night. He tolerates the chemo injections very well. He has not lost his appetite and has not been sick to his stomach so far! The drug companies have some new drugs that really help with this aspect of chemo..or at least with the Velcade he takes.So far his already thinning hair is hanging on too! He was hoping his beard would fall out and he would not have to shave for a while but that has not happened either!! Sometimes the things we fear are not as bad as the reality! Sometimes they are worse. However no matter what it is all in God's hands

I had a first cousin who passed away a few years ago. I am sad to say she was already buried before I knew anything about her passing. She came down with MS when she was still a teenager. In that time they knew so little of this disease and there was virtually no treatment for it. She soon became wheel chair bound, her limbs practically useless.She  was dependent on her elderly mother for her care. Soon both of them were in a nursing home together. Her mother died and Mary spent the rest of her years in nursing homes.She was a beautiful young woman with her first and only car ( 66 SS Chevelle)  when she was stricken. She never married or had a family, never  had any kind of home of her own... she still loved the Lord and would testify to God's goodness every time I saw her. She did not have good use of her hands but discovered the paint by numbers art sets. She sold them for change or gave them away to other residents. She proudly put them on display in her room. She still found enjoyment  in spite of her circumstances. I am sorry to say I did not visit her as I should have. I think about the impact her life had on so many because she harbored no bitterness for her plight in this life! She never appeared down or depressed though I am sure there had to be times when she was.  She loved to talk about the life she would have one day in heaven!! I know she is now enjoying that life!