Don't get sick between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!

 When I called to get an appointment with his internist I found out he already had one!!! Could God have worked this any better? We took the tests results to his internists. His brow was wrinkled and the expression on his face told us it was not good news. He told us he needed to do a 24 hour urine catch but he was 99.9 percent sure it WAS multiple myeloma. I still had no real knowledge of what it was. He had us go to his office and was muttering to himself, asking himself questions and then answering his own questions! He told us he going right then to make an appointment with a local oncologist and he would take good care of us. He still needed the results of the urine tests to know for sure. He assured us while there was no cure it was treatable..whatever that meant! We left perplexed but at least maybe in a couple of days we would know something for sure! I knew it was bad when he scribbled his cell phone number down and gave it to me. When is the last time you had a doctor do that?? Then the doc calls me later just to be sure I have his number in my phone!!

    We took the 24 hour urine in and were told they would let us know when the results came back. The doc had also ordered a skeletal study... I had not bought the first thing for our family Christmas party..so I took the opportunity to do some quick shopping for games... got my list almost completed and then the nurse called. She said Ronnie had become very sick and could I come back to pick him up. SO , I left the buggy in the aisle I was shopping in and went to pick him up. I wheeled him to the car and thankfully he got better later in the day so we were able to go back and finish it.


  In the mean time we did go  see the oncologists. One of our three daughter in laws works at the front desk so it was a big comfort to see her sweet smiling face when we walked in. It is startling there  to say the least. Some of the patients are so pale and look so sick! There are SO many of them too! We saw the very kind doctor who joked that he was glad he "worked us in early since our daughter in law worked there or he would be in trouble!'... humor never hurts ... people are acting normal here..as if everything is ok, so we will be ok!! He spent a lot of time asking questions and then took some bone marrow from Ronnie's hip. I know it was very painful but he tried not to show it. Dumb me, I had thought we would know THAT day! He told us it would take TWO weeks for the tests to all come in to confirm it. That meant it would be after Christmas before we knew! 

       He, like Ronnie's other doctor tried to write a script for morphine but Ronnie refused it. He was taking loratab every 4 hours. Allow me to digress here please!!  Let me say here and now if you are a drug junkie reading this, don't come around... I have 3 bad dogs one a bulldog and (2)  38 revolvers!! We live in a sad time when people get hooked on stuff and will break in to get it!! I would hate to shoot someone,  but before I would even see so much as an animal of mine hurt I would blow someone away that tried to hurt someone or something under my roof!! God gives us brains , so we hold to our guns and our "religion" to quote someone else!! I will pray for your soul while you are dying, life here is temporary but hell is forever!! I really don't want anyone to go to hell!!


   Ok, now that issue is settled...  Ronnie was afraid if he started on something that strong he would get used to it and it would not help him later. He was in so much pain I would set the clock to get up and see that he kept the pain medicine in him! The pain was getting worse every day it seemed .  The X rays showed his leg had broke and healed back. His  ribs had a "mottled" appearance. His leg and arm bones showed lesions or holes in them. His spine showed the effects of the disease that was causing his bones to decay!! His knees hurt...  No wonder the poor guy was in pain and had pain every where!! My heart was breaking and it was to the point I could not even pray other than to cry and say God help my baby! Yes, he is a mighty big and old baby but we have had each other since we were 14 and 16! We married when I was 16 and he was 18...by the time he was 28 and I was 26 we had four sons!! I could not bear the thought of him suffering much less even think about him going home to heaven! Yes, we all have to die and yes he is almost 62 and yes we have had a good life and been so blessed but I WANT to be blessed some more... I don't deal with this kind of pain too well!! In spite of all my heart knew about the love of God and how blessed we had been, I was mad at God for a while! The person I love more than myself is suffering... little children are suffering!! Why won't He answer my prayers?? He needs pain relief tonight!! He needs to be able to breath tonight!

When we went to church I sat beside him and cried wondering if this would be our last Christmas together! He hobbled in and sat down in our usual spot... and slept through most of the service... he wanted to be in God's house no matter!! I am a very emotional person to put it mildly. I wear my heart on my sleeve all the time... I talk way too much and if you are my friend you probably know more about me than you ever really wanted to know... I am an open book. Ronnie jokingly  told me one day last week to never play poker!! I am a cryer.. I cry when I am happy, sad, and  mad, when I feel God's spirit moving  and anything in between!! This was killing me! Ronnie is having to console me!! He is telling me , it is ok, just cry and don't worry about it!! I am a wreck but I manage to suck it up and take care of him. He has become almost dependent on me for everything. It hurts him for me to have the work but also because he is a man's man... He is old school and thinks he is suppose to stay well and strong to take care of ME!! God has other plans...our ways are not His ways.. our plans are not His plans... I am learning new things and I foolishly thought I knew some of the  the right things to say to people who are grieving and hurting... I am learning now I know NOTHING outside of the love of Jesus... what I do know is that HE suffered and we can never understand to what extent... I know regardless of how much hurt and suffering we have to endure, oh how He loves us!!! I have a lot more to learn, I have not even scratched the surface of the lessons God has for me... that puts some fear in me but He says he will never leave us nor forsake us... so we cling to that promise as we are in the early days of this journey!